I'm always conscious I'm rarely included in my babies pictures. Probably because I take about 5 million shots of them as they are so irresistibly cute and I am well, much less cute. It is getting to the point in my journey where I need to consider chopping my hair because I'm shedding. I don't mind the shedding, I see it as a sign the chemo is killing cells, hopefully some badies in addition to the goodies. I would however like to get some photos with with girls with my hair intact whilst baby Bel is still a baby. So we had some fun snapping pictures with the phone.

It's 10.30pm, my little 4 month old teething puffin is asleep, my bigger 2 year old muffin is snuggled in bed with at least 10 teddys and my husband is snuggled onto the pillow snoozing next to me. I am blissfully enjoying the moment and reflecting on their complete and utter gorgeousness whilst feeling the heaviness of this evenings chemo session setting in.

I found out a month and a half ago through a somewhat routine operation that I had hodgkins lymphoma. In fact what initially happened is I found out I had what was likely a lymphoma cancer, the extent and prognosis of which was only confirmed after a whirlwind of a week full of tests and scans. Undoubtedly the most challenging week of my and most likely my families lives. 

Just before I went into my doctors appointment to find out the results of the tests I sat with my husband Nick in a park which overlooks the hospital. It was sunny and windy, the birds were tweeting and there was a family happily playing with a remote control airplane. It was beautiful and whilst we didn't say much all I knew that we were both terrified and I really really wanted to live longer and enjoy this amazing planet, my family and all of the hurdles that come with it. However, I didn't express this sentiment and instead I decided to bring up the incredibly important conundrum in life whilst watching the crane work on the new hospital building, 'how the hell does he or she go to the toilet up there'. 

Anyway, fast forward through that conversation to the doctors visit. We found out I had stage 2 Hodkins Lymphoma, it had not spread beyond the thymus gland and lymph nodes in my neck. I actually threw my arms up in the air and said 'yes, that is fantastic'. I'm a softly spoken and considered (for want of a better word) personality so that took me and probably my doctor and Nick by surprise. After a week of not knowing, and a multitude of scenarios whizzing through my head, I felt lucky. We could do this. 

Fast forward to this evening, I'm now what we hope is half way through my chemo treatment which will likely be followed by a week or so of radiotherapy. All in all I'm feeling quite exuberant, so much so I'm starting this blog to document the puddles and rainbows in this journey.