I never really would've hedged bets on whether I would be a mother; being that I had the wander-lust bug, wanted to live in far flung places and never felt that 'OMG, look at that baby feeling' (until I had babies, now I'm always cooing over them). Honestly, I wasn't sure if I would be a good mother. My Mum has the patience of a saint; is soft, gentle, selfless and loving. At the same time a stern word and look from her could have us scurry away. Through the eyes of my young self she handled motherhood so gracefully and effortlessly.
Most days I am mainly a climbing frame, slobber cloth, snack dispenser, personal servant and household referee. Anything but graceful and most definitely not effortless. However I see little bits of my mum in me - I save Evie the last cookie, make sure both have clothes and shoes that somewhat fit (Evie's trousers were on inside out for most of the day but hey, she put them on all by herself) and I love them. I mean I really love them, I never knew how much I could love something. It's like your heart is no-longer safely cushioned inside, but perilously bouncing around in front of you in the form of a cutest thing you've ever seen, all exposed to the elements. It's very worrisome and yet, so beautiful to see.
Their happy faces, caked in food and mud and goodness knows what, makes me feel complete. After a long day, a little hand on my face and smile filled with unconditional love is so overwhelming. Yesterday, Evie and I watched the Gruffalo movie. During the ads, the ABC song came on and Evie sat bolt upright, a sparkle came into her eyes and she belted out the song. I could see Nick smiling at her and then he looked over at me and I couldn't hold back the tears. Happy tears, I was just so amazed at this little human next to me, growing up. When the song finished I regained composure but Evie still learned over and gave me a soft little kiss before returning her focus to the Gruffalo. I think Isobel may have been chewing on my trouser leg during this whole episode, she's like a little puppy, clambering at your feet with big doe eyes.
I love being a mother; it's not easy, in fact it is so much harder than I imagined but all they ask of you is that you love them and I can do that. I'm so lucky to be a mum to Evie and Isobel.
I'm also lucky that Nick made sure I had a loved up day. He even cooked steak, with spinach blue cheese and walnut salad and grilled mushrooms. I mean, wow, what more could a girl want.
Happy Mother's Day to All
Here's the commercial Evie loves and gets me sobbing along with a picture Evie drew of me for Mother's Day....