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Self-Indulgence

2/22/2016

1 Comment

 
I recently joined a writers critique group, which I did because I’ve been writing up my Africa journals and was a little lost about where to go with it.  During one of our meetings we got talking about blog sites and ended up all exchanging websites. I paused before jotting down ‘Puddles and Rainbows’ and then contemplated whether to blur my writing a little to distort the address. I compromised with a smudge of the ink with my finger.

Driving back home afterwards I kept thinking about my sudden hesitation to share this website, which isn’t entirely odd as it is a mish mash of personal health info and life musings written in mixed British/American English.  What is more notably odd, is that I’m starting to care about that again. Some of the self-consciousness that lifted when I was going through treatment has suddenly seemed to settle back down again. Writing new posts feels a little uncomfortably self-indulgent and exposing.

There were many benefits to starting this blog – communicating with far away family and friends, helping connect with others in a similar position and it provided a cathartic outlet for my frazzled, chemo hazed self.  The main reason for starting this blog, the one that drove my frequent postings, was my girls.

Faced with my mortality, I realized that I could leave them before they got a chance to remember me and know just how much I love them.  For some reason it deeply disturbed me that they potentially wouldn’t know my favorite chocolate or how I like my tea.  I take great pride in knowing my mums preferences. Although she did recently surprise me by gobbling the alcohol infused chocolates -- broadening her horizons apparently.

I talked through these somber fears through with my sister shortly after my last chemo session, “I would make you a legend, Sedgie, don’t worry about that. Going by the remains of this chocolate box, we like most chocolates, no?!” That made me feel better, I’d like to be a chocolate fiend legend.

All the same, there’s nothing quite like reading a memoir or autobiography, it fascinates me that you can feel attached to the author, really feel you know them, despite only having read their written word. This isn’t a memoir, but it is documenting my girls growing up and our time together. I hope we can enjoy reflecting on it one day.

So with that said, I will continue to update puddles and rainbows, hopefully overcoming this awkward self-conscious feeling.
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For the record - I like my tea strong with milk and no sugar and Louise is right, I’m really not picky when it comes to the chocolates.
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Raided the Chocolate Covered Strawberries. I can't blame them
1 Comment
professional assignment writers uk link
11/3/2018 09:10:45 am

This is something we all say we are going to try to avoid. Yet here we are, feeling so self righteous. Nobody is perfect but it seems none of us really sincerely believe this. We rarely hear people say "It's my fault, I am sorry." If they do, they do it only because they have a motive. So next time someone you know try to apologize to you and you are sure he doesn't need you. Listen to that person.

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    Hello.

    My name is Sarah. I'm a Mummy to two scrummy girls, wife to one Scottish DIY enthusiast, writer, traveller, animal lover, and cake baker who is also puddle jumping her way through a journey with hodgkin lymphoma.

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